No Verb

My friend Jamie who teaches math in Texas sent the following note that she picked up in class the other day (she kept the spelling and grammar from the original note):

“Ways to make girls like you:
1. Where like tite shirts and work out n stuff so it looks like you gots mussles.
2. get like cargo shorts like chito has
3. make sexy faces
4. talk about intrestin stuff
5. be sweet
6. smell good
7. cut ur hair
8. walk all confident like
9. you gots to dress good where like cool shorts and shirts and new balance
10. you cant act like you like us to much girls don’t like that you gots to be hard to get like flirt but not to much
11. learn to flirt

Update: I think my 3rd period class scared Jen away from teaching. At least, it scared her away from teaching non-honors students. Aside from the general rudeness and laziness, here is a slice of the utter ineptitude that exists in that room:

Me: “Okay, who can find the noun clause in this sentence?”

Student: “in the room!”

Me (ever so patiently): “Remember-a clause has to have a subject and a verb. Where is the verb in there?”

Student: “In!”

Me: “In is a preposition; it shows location and position.” In my head, I am making a mental note to make the kids memorize the list of prepositions next year.

Student: “The!”

Me: “Is ‘the’ an action? Can I the?”

Student: “Uh, room! Room is the verb!”

Me: I think I said something a little more on edge at this point. I was trying to maintain outward control, but inside my head I was screaming and wailing and gnashing my teeth. I’m pretty sure this is when I decided that I need to get my master’s in English and teach at a community college or look for another profession. We’ll see how I feel on Monday.

Today, I have a student teacher (my friend Jen from NAU!) coming to observe me during 2nd and 3rd period. I do not feel qualified for this; however, Jen may learn a great deal from it: what not to do, how to bungle your way through teaching noun clauses, how to totally lose it when a kid whines for the 400th time, etc. Luckily, she is my friend and will still love me whatever happens…I think.