No Verb

So my reading lab classes had an essay test today wherein they had to write about the importance to Black History Month. Here are a few of my favorite bits (with spelling and grammar errors maintained):

“Wie schoud tak it all the time about Black People. because is all the time it’s spachol. Wie can not kill all the people becouse a spachal Month.”

“Maby some cummunities live in the getto but that is thee falt for not going to school joining gangs.”

“African American History month. Shuld Be tauht in schools. so are cheldren dount ask. Why do we celabrat it. insted thay will say I agree with what he said. that cool Dr Martin Luther King Jr. We lerned about him today. his spech tuched me.”

And in response to “Define Prefix and give an example”: “like the title or Dr. as in Dr.Phil”.

The best part, however, was Donnie’s (another student teacher) response to all of this: “We already have A, B, C, D, and F, but we should have O for absurd.” Really?

I just had a total Mattie Jo flashback listening (and by listening, I totally mean dancing) to The Darkness and attempting to cook curry on a totally janky stove. Except that it is in Germany. I have to figure out something articulate to say about my weekend. Maybe in the morning.

So today, I attempted to teach one one hour of sleep. Good thing I was only given a test, or kids would have seriously been dumber for having spent the day with me. I was thinking about how one of my students is a pretty decent writer and doesn’t belong in the second-grade reading class and about ways that I could challenge her with her writing. Then a little while later, a counselor came in to inform me that I should probably get her work together for her because she wouldn’t be back for a few weeks, seeing as how she is in the hospital recovering from a C-section. Yeah, that thing they give you when you have a baby! Ack! And I didn’t even know she was pregnant…I felt like such a bad teacher. She wore big jackets, what can I say?

My Reading Lab classes have a bunch of books that are supposed to be on topics that interest kids, but they are written so that they can understand them (simplified sentences, vocabulary is defined, etc.). Most of them are halfway decent, but I came across this sentence while reading a book called “Hip-Hop Heroes” with a student today:
“Kool Herc also talked, or rapped, over the breaks.”
Could this book be any more condescending?

Just a little over 24 hours.

When school was over yesterday, I pretty much wanted to collapse and die on the floor. I was completely exhausted by the 6 kids I had to give detention, as well as the at least 15 others who probably deserved detention; however, I still had planning and grading to do that took until almost 6:00. On the way home, all I could think about was looking up what other jobs English majors qualify for. I went to bed before 10:00. This morning, I woke up dreading having to control a bunch of hoodlums all day long.

This morning, I got to school, pulled out my lesson plans and handouts, greeted every kid all the while praying they would have mercy on me today, and began class. They were absolutely perfect. Every kid came to class prepared. No one talked back or argued with me. No one dropped the f-bomb in response to me or anyone else. Even my most maniacal kids FOCUSED on their work, and no one tried to write on or poke anyone else with any sort of implement. And this happened in all of my classes. I’m not going to count on every day going this smoothly, but it was a nice reprieve. Thanks, God.

“The moral of the story is pray for the right thing. Sometimes, instead of praying for the cup to be passed from your lips, you have to pray for the ability to chug without choking.”

Can you tell how crazy I’m feeling by how many times I’ve posted today?

High schoolers, that is. I just had a day…

Our school computers have so many filters on them, I can’t even access essays on the internet to demonstrate to my students how bad the essays are that they use to cheat. Actually, I bet most of my students could show me how to get around the filters…

I left all of my Harry Potter books with Chris this semester so that he could know the joy of the boy wizard, and this weekend I started missing them rather desperately. Good thing the library here has them, or we’d be in trouble. Five of the six student teachers who went to Prague this last weekend also share in the obsession, and I was pleased to learn that I’m not the only pedantic freak who knows that the Weasley’s flying car was a Ford Anglia or that Mr. Dursley works for Grunning’s. If only I had someone here who understood my love of semicolons. If you do, you’ll love this quote by Lynne Truss,

“There are times, however, when the semicolon is indispensible in another capacity: when it performs the duties of a kind of Special Policeman in the event of comma fights…One minute the semicolon is gracefully joining sentences together in a flattering manner…and the next it is calling a bunch of brawling commas to attention.
‘Fares were offered to Corfu, the Greek island, Morocco, Elba, in the Mediterranean, and Paris…’
There is no option for an upstanding semicolon in such circumstances other than to step in, blow a whistle, and restore order.
‘Fares were offered to Corfu, the Greek island; Morocco; Elba, in the Mediterranean; and Paris…’
That’s much clearer. And we have you to thank, Special Policeman Semicolon.”

Honestly, on a very early , impatient, snowy morning, I just want to send out three cheers to the Special Policeman Semicolon.

Just a little over 48 hours.

A bright neon sign promising a “Ladie’s Night” leaves me absolutely nothing to do but to yell Anne Fadiman-style to the streets of Prague, “There’s a superfluous apostrophe!”

Dear Czech Republic,
Please learn how to label your highways.
Love,
J, Mandi, Jamie, Becky, Donnie, John, and the silver Opel van

At least one of my students has learned at least one thing from me. Here is what he said to indicate that:
“You mean Gandhi is real? Woah! I thought he was make-believe!”

Today was kind of a crazy day at school, owing to the mandatory (and boring) internet safety courses we had to teach ALL DAY LONG. And to the speed that I’m sure the administration gave the students this morning. My favorite part of the day was this question, asked by a student named Veronica (while researching for a brochure they had to write on plagiarism): “Miss? Do we actually have to write something on plagiarism, or can we just copy and paste from the internet?” And she wasn’t even kidding.

Or Valentine’s Day. Whatever you’re celebrating. I’m celebrating the fact that I woke up to a little bit of snow on the ground. And that we’re out of toilet paper (which I’m celebrating by going to buy more as soon as I’m done writing this).

Here are some answers to some frequently asked questions lately:
1. Yes, it is cold here, but not any colder than Flagstaff.
2. Teaching is great, but busy. I’m teaching a book on the Civil Rights Movement now, and I’ll start Of Mice and Men next week.
3. German food is good if you are willing to eat blood sausages, liver dumplings, sauerkraut, and drink lots of beer, all of which I am willing to do.
4. Yes, I miss Chris a whole lot.

And here is a story called “Teachers are out of control”:
Yesterday, a bunch of the teachers and student teachers from the high school went on a wine probe (yeah, it is kind of a gross name, but I didn’t come up with it). We got off of the bus at 11:15 in the morning, at which point they handed us our first glass of wine. I should probably add that I had a fever and was alternately shivering and sweating and cursing myself for ever getting out of bed. They gave us a few more tastes of wine in various stages of fermenting, and then herded us inside for lunch (liver dumplings and sauerkraut, in my case). Thirteen different kinds of wine later, I no longer had a fever and was in a very nice state of glowing warmth. Note: German wine is much sweeter than French wine, and therefore is much more headache inducing. Another important note: I was going easy on the wine. Some of the other teachers were not. We all got back on the bus feeling flushed and sleepy at around 4:30. Yes, that does mean we were at the table for almost 5 hours.

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling like someone had taken a knife to my throat and hit me over the head with a truck. Hm…that is an interesting visual. And when I got to school, I found out that the same person had assaulted my teacher and she had called in sick, so I got my first full day of teaching a little early. It went well, even though I didn’t really feel up to it, and the kids certainly were not into it, since this was their first day back from a four day weekend. Did the teachers get a four day weekend, you may ask? The answer is no. We had parent teacher conferences on Monday, and a staff development day yesterday. The staff development day was not as bad as it sounds. We had a workshop on the six traits of writing, which was a definite review of what I’ve done for the past few semesters at NAU, but the teachers are what made it so amazing. One lady (a science teacher) actually got really really angry at the woman teaching because she said that a writing sample from a kid wasn’t scientifically accurate. She swore. She made a scene. I alternately hated all of the teachers there and loved them for making it so entertaining at their own expense. Also, the teachers had a chili cookoff, and my favorite was made out of wild boar by an NAU graduate. It just doesn’t get any better than that. This was an enormous tangent, and I could reread the beginning of this post to find out where I was going with it, but I’m sick. So there. I miss you all. Unless someone I don’t know is reading this. And then I can’t know if I miss you. Sorry.

This is a public service announcement to all knee-jerk liberals living in Europe right now (and I guess to be fair, to all knee-jerk conservatives): Please stop shoving your political opinions down my throat, or I will jerk my knee up into your face. Thank you.

They have some candy here that is kind of similar to nerds, and on the package, it claims to be “millions of fun”.

So today while I was in the teachers’ lounge during lunch, I started talking to this teacher in a lab coat (who kind of reminded me of the KTC, Lori), and he told me that he’d take me to see his classroom. I asked what he taught, and he said, “Biology and Art History. The stuff I do is really intellectual.” What? Who actually says stuff like that? And by the way, the invitation to see his classroom wasn’t that creepy. I was talking to teachers about observing their classes. So he, Mr. Penter, took me up to his classroom and proceeded to give me a tour of his pieces of art, each time telling me how “intellectual” it was. One of his paintings represented a vampire (don’t ask me how), and one piece of art was a giant (as in about 4 feet long) Q-Tip, “to remind students to clean out their ears, as impacted earwax is the primary cause of deafness”. I’m not even kidding. Then, he asked if I would like to hear the piece that he composed on the piano. I said sure. He proceeded to PLAY THE PIANO WITH HIS BUTT! I didn’t know if I should laugh or not, because he seemed absolutely serious the whole time. He also did an impression of a monkey laughing, but that was almost a letdown after HE PLAYED THE PIANO WITH HIS BUTT! And people like this are teaching your kids…